غم دل‌ چند توان خورد، که ایام نماند...

خدا پدر فیسبوک رو بسوزونه। آدم میره پروفایل ملتی رو که سالهاست ازشون خبر نداره رو می‌بینه و یه حالی‌ می‌شه. اصلا به من چه که دوست سابقیو که ۵ ساله ندیدم موهاشو چه جوری کوتاه کرده؟ یا دختر خوشگل محل چه جوری لباس پوشیده؟ یا پسری که مدت‌ها دوست داشتم با کی‌ میلاسه؟ بابا دیگه کی‌ حال داره؟؟؟
آره داداش، دیگه از ما گذشت। دیگه ما میخوایم چشمامونو هم بزاریمو یادمون بره که احساس داریم. که انسانیم. که زنیم. دوستیم. صداقت داریم. دیگه از انسانیت خسته شدم. انسانیت خیلی‌ درد داره.
ما که با خوبیو صداقت جایی‌ رو نگرفتیم. ایشالا پستی و رذالت مارو جاهای خوب ببره.

دلم برای پدر مادرم تنگ شده. تقریبا یک سال می‌شه که ندیدمشون. اگه برگردن شاید از رفتار من جا بخورن. احساس می‌کنم که این یک سال خیلی‌ بزرگ شدم. هفتهٔ پیش ۳ روز بود که احساس کردم به اندازهٔ ۱ سال بود، از بس که چیز‌های جدید یاد گرفتم.


باید تنبلی رو کنار بذارم تا بتونم به چیزایی که می‌خوام دست پیدا کنم....

Maturing

I am "maturing". It is different from "growing up". I'm maturing in sense that my eyes are opening up to real life. I think I'm walking away from the world of fantasy. There has been a couple of days this week that I felt so bad about this that I cried. It is a little bit scary too.... But I guess it is kind of exciting too... Who knows what happens next?

On another note: I've decided not to be scared to be scared. Because that results in me withdrawing from different situations. I want to allow myself to be scared, but learn how to deal with it so that it doesn't come between me and my goals. This is because looking back at my time in university the only thing I regret was not getting involved in different activities more because I was too shy or too scared & I let that take control over my actions. I want to live the best life I can live and to do that I should allow myself to get more experience.

And a wise person once said

For the first time in the longest time I feel content and happy with my life. Happiness is such a good feeling. I didn't get to be this content for a long period in the longest time. I was at this beautiful conservation area over the weekend, went to a Greek food festival and went on 2 dates with 2 different guys. I'm starting to learn how to enjoy life as it is rather than being unhappy about what it is not. I'm starting to take each situation as a learning opportunity.
I've heard lots of wise stuff over the last couple of months. One got to be from my sister, when I was nervous over an interview she said" You being so nervous has no benefit for you. Anxiety will not help you in any shape or form in your job interview".
Another wise person said to me
" you are like a spoiled child. When you figure you can't have someone/something, you keep clinging on to them. It's like being a spoiled child who wants something so badly and can't accept that it can't be theirs. "
This wiseman also said" There is a guy that you go to a baseball game with. The atmosphere in the stadium, all the energetic people around and all the lighting makes you both enjoy the game very much. You start kissing and it feels excellent. Some guys are good for watching a baseball game, you go to the game & enjoy the game. But the same guys doesn't like going to picnics. You can't make this guy go to the picnic with you because he won't enjoy you it. The wise thing is to go to the baseball game and enjoy the game, but not to go to picnic with them. With some other guys, you enjoy their company at picnic, but they are not into the baseball game. Then enjoy picnic with them. Your (significant other, LOL) should be someone that enjoys both the game and picnic with you."
The wise-man also said " You cannot say everything you have in your mind to everyone. This is not honesty. This is dangerous thinking . "
He also said:" Why do you keep trying to change people's mind? When someone tells you that they think a certain way why do you keep trying to change that? If someone says they are not ready then they are not, why do you want to convince them otherwise?" & also: "it is not your business to change people's life. If someone does something that you think is stupid is their own responsibility. "
One last thing:" you have to be patient. Otherwise what you get is guys that are just there for fun. If you want something better you have to give it more time. Get to know them more and make a decision. You can't make a decision based on hanging out with someone just after a couple of times. What you do is that you make a list of what you like about that person, and what you don't like about them over time. But you can't make this list in a short period of time. You have to finish going on a test drive before you decide to buy a car. "

دختر کوچولو

دختر کوچولو قبلا نا‌ یه روز یه پسری رو توی کوچه دیده بود که بازی میکرد. دختر کوچولو از پسر خوشش اومد. چند ماه طول کشید که دختر کوچولو شجاعتشو جم کرد که بره به پسر کوچولو بگه منم تو بازیت راه بده. رفت سراغش که بگه بیا با هم بازی کنیم. اما پسر کوچولو تو این چند ماه بد جوری تو بازی زخمی شده بود. جای زخماش هنوز بزرگ رو تنش موند بود. رفته بود پشت یه دیوار نشسته بود. اخمشو تو هم کرده بود. پسر کوچولو تا دختر کوچولو رو دید که داره میاد سنگ طرفش پرت کرد. دختر کوچولو گفت آخه چرا سنگ میزنی‌؟ می‌خواستم بهت بگم که بیا بازی کنیم.

پسر کوچولو داد زد که من دیگه نمی‌خوام بازی کنم. من بازی رو دوست ندارم. سنگ دختر کوچولو رو یه زخم کوچولو کرده بود. دختر کوچولو گریه کنون رفت خونشون. اما صبح باز بار اولی‌ که پسر کوچولو رو دیده بود یادش اومد. باز رفت سراغ پسر کوچولو. پسر کوچولو پشت دیوار نشسته بود. تا دختر کوچولو رو دید یه سنگ طرفش پرت کرد.

دختر کوچولو بازم گریه کنون رفت خونشون.

دختر کوچولو بازم چند بار دیگه رفت سراغ پسر کوچولوی پشت دیوار. اما پسر کوچولو باز سنگ پرت کرد.

بیچاره دختر کوچولو. سنگهای پسر کوچولو دختر کوچولو رو هم بد جور زخم کرد.دختر کوچولو بازی نکرده زخم شده بود.

یه روز دختر کوچولو دیگه نرفت سراغ پسر. خودش رفت یه دیوار پیدا کرد و پشتش نشست. یه پسر کوچولوی دیگه اومد سراغ دختر کوچولو پشت دیوار. دختر کوچولو یه سنگ رو برداشت و پرت کرد طرفش...

کاش اینجا بودی

به تو فکر می‌کنم. شاید بدانی‌ و شاید نه.

اما دانستن یا ندانستن ات چه تفاوت دارد؟ اگر بدانی که من به تو فکر می‌کنم و به سراغم نیایی، که پس محبت من بیهوده است. اگر ندانی پس نادانی‌ و از حال آدمان بی‌ خبر، و مرا با اهالی بی‌ خبرستان راهی‌ نیست. و در هر دو حال مرا به جز پریشانی راهی‌ نیست.
کاش اینجا بودی.

"There are six billion people in this world and sometimes, all you need is one"